The Sobering Light Of Day.

Mr. Hawthorne came INto the kitchen this morning and was greeted with this:

His first thoughts were, " WTF? Cow pie!"
Now, Mr. H. can attest to the fact that I started on this well before 5:00, but now thinks I mighta shoulda had a few drinks before doing this.
He told me he tried a bite, but had to spit it out. Brave man.

The marbling effect didn't work all that well either.

Even though I sprayed a generous amount of cooking spray in my souffle dish, all of this burned and stuck on.

Mr. Hawthorne checked the temperature on the slo-kukker to be sure I had it on "Low."
I did.









I covered the brownies up so they wouldn't dry out, until I can figure out what to
do with them.





An alert viewer over at TWoP had this to say about the juxtaposition of the picture of my brownies and the meesies:

"By the way, I love the way you put the picture of the...umm..."brownies"....next to the picture of the dead mice. To, you know, make the mice look more appetizing."

See comments here:

http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3165295&pid=9712636&st=30&#entry9712636

and here:
http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3122199&pid=9711085&st=870&#entry9711085

Mr. Hawthorne asked me, "Rosie, How many arrrusssupppees of Sandra Lee's have you tried now in the slo-kukker?"
Me: "Ummm, four. The three Ticky and I did and then this one."
Mr. H: "And you're sure you followed the directions exactly?"
Me: "Well I did use Betty Crocker brownie mix instead of Sandra's
recommended Pillsbury."
Mr. H: "I really don't think that would have made a difference."
Me: Shrug.
Mr. H: "And every damn one has tasted like crap."
Me: "Sad, but true."
Mr. H: "But at least we were able to salvage the meatballs. I washed all of Sandra's crap off and smothered them in Marinara sauce then they were better."

Bottom line: I can't afford to save this much time and money.

Rosie's Birthday.

Rosie had a wonderful birthday yesterday. Ticky came to visit and then I was suprised with the arrival of Mr. and Mrs. Xmaskatie, our friend Glowria, and Dixie's cousin Katie. Ticky took me out to a lovely lunch at a Chinese restaurant (Thanks, Ticky!), then we went to a few touristy stores to accumulate items for our TableScape. After getting home, Ticky and I immediately started on a planned menu. We were actually going to recreate three of Aunt Sandy's slo-kukker arrrussuppees. Let the games begin.


First up, Ticky starts on her Spicy Cashew Dip:

2 pkgs cream cheese
1 cup chopped cashews
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
1 tsp curry powder
3/4 cup coconut melk
1 TB lime juice
1/4 chopped cilantro








Is coconut melk supposed to look like this? That spoon ain't moving. Is it supposed to be that thick?

The smell is sickening sweet.
This does not bode well.












Appetizing, no?

















It's getting better.


















Here's the Spicy Cashew dip in the slo kukker.
















Two - three hours later, I believe the Spicy Cashew dip is ready ... for what, I don't know.












Another shot.
















Here's a shot with the flash. I believe it was alert reader, Abbotrabbit, who opined that this looked like egg salad chucked up.












Now, check out the link to the Food Network's actual Spicy Cashew Dip arrussupee and the accompanying picture. Hell, the krap Ticky made looks better than that.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_37036,00.html




Rosie reacts
to the Spicy Cashew Dip.




















Glowria reacts to the dip, and apparently not in a good way.














We asked Mr. Hawthorne if he'd like another bite of the Spicy Cashew Dip.
















The consensus from our taste test panel -
a resounding thumbs down.

Ticky thought the first bite was OK, then ensuing bites were "too overpowering and sickening."

Xmaskatie declared the first bite "vomitous" and refused to try any more.

Rosie thought it was "fucking nasty."

Glowria said it was "too much peanut butter and I would not make it again."








Oh please, check out this link:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/my_recipe_box/review/0,1973,FOOD_9919_37036,00.html

Now just the other day, there were 5 1-star reviews for this arrussuppeee, and it had an overall rating of 1 star. Did you know if you add 1 5-star review to 5 1-star reviews, it will bring the overall rating up to a 2-star?

I have no idea who this "Anna from Danville, Va." is.





Next up, Marmalade Meatballs.
Ticky plopped a 2-pound bag of pre-frozen meatballs INto the slo-kukker.

















16 ounces of Catalina dressing.

This looks BAAAAAD.













Ticky adds 1 cup of ornj marmalade to the Catalina dressing.

We're talking Catalina dressing and ornj marmalade. This can only go downhill.










Ticky adds Worcestershire sauce and some red pepper flakes.














Doesn't this look yummy?

This needs to krok for 2-3 hours.

And I'm sure it will be worth every minute!














And here are the meatballs krocking away. We put a kukker kondom in the pot to make clean up a breeze, but apparently there was still some anal leakage and I had to scrub the pot out.










Meatballs are done!

Our taste panel convenes.

Ticky ecstatically exclaims, "I LIKE balls! But ya gotta like Catalina dressing to like these. I don't like Catalina dressing."

Xmaskatie adds in her 2 cents worth, "I don't like the sauce and they're greasy."

Rosie thought the texture was "nasty" and the taste "not much better."

Glowria called it "Too salty. And there's a layer of grease. I would not make this again."

Mr. Hawthorne: "Those are pre-fab fucking balls and I ain't gonna eat 'em!"




Here are the leftover Marmalade Meatballs the next day. I think they may have soaked up some of that sauce.















A lovely closeup looking INto the bag. What should I do with these meatballs? Dixie would probably want to eat them but I love her and I'm the adult here and need to shield her from this.


















Here are the ingredients for Sandy's Island Bread Pudding:

Hawaiian bread ($3.59).
1 cup pineapple chunks
1 bag dried tropical fruit trio
1 can coconut melk
1/4 cup dark rum
1 cup pineapple-coconut nectar
(This I could only find at a health food store. The bottle was $4.69.)
1 cup brown sugar
3 large aigs
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
2 TB butter


Here's the link to the actual recipe: http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_36580,00.html

I love how Chef Lee recommends a brand for every ingredient including BROWN SUGAR.


Now you all know how Sandra likes to dirty up as many bowls as possible when she "cooks."

Personally, I think this all could have been done in the slo-kukker to begin with thereby saving a lot of cleanup, but I'm following Sandy's directions to a T. Here are the torn bread pieces, the tropical fruit trio, and the pineapple.





In yet another bowl, I've combined the coconut melk, rum, nectar, sugah, aigs, cinnamon, and salt.














Now, I was expecting Sandy to have me use a third bowl to mix the first two INto, but she happily surprises me and just has me pour the egg mixture INto the bread mixture.











And here's the appetizing conglomeration of flavors and ingredients just poured INto the crock pot, waiting to be crocked away for 4 hours.














Four hours later, the finished pudding.















This was actually the most edible of our 3 arrussupees. Well, actually the ONLY edible arrussuupee.

Comments from our taste panel:

Rosie thought the flavor was not bad. I might go so far as to say it was good. However the texture was mushy and nasty.

Both Ticky and I thought it would have been better had it been cooked in an oven so that the bread would get crispier and crusty in places.

Glowria said she "liked it and would make it again in the oven."

Mr. Hawthorne liked it. He liked the flavor and said, "I like new things so I liked this." Watch out, Mr. Hawthorne, Sandy has a lot of new things, and I can promise you, you won't like 99% of them.

Like I said, this wasn't bad. One of Sandy's flukes, apparently. As you know, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

The arrussssupppeees.
Where they belong.

I Have Fallen Under Sandra's Spell. Someone Please Bring Me Back To The Light.

For years, Mr. Hawthorne has threatened to get me a crock pot. I told him if he ever did, I'd throw it INto the canal.

Then ... I watched this SLopisode:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_109183,00.html

I might add that I watched in utter horror.
Now Sandra Lee has committed numerous crimes against food, but this ... this ... was absolutely the most heinous.

And since Ticky is coming to visit this weekend, I thought I'd make an
"Easy Elegant" meal for her: Smothered Meatloaf.
Surely, it was a mercy killing.



So, what did I do?
I ran out to WalMart today to buy me a slo-kukker.

See what this bitch does to me?

Mr. Hawthorne was laughing the entire time at WalMart.
"Well," he said, "Apparently, it took Sandra Lee to get you to buy a crock pot. Looks like you're going to have to eat crow - slow cooked."

I think I need an intervention.