April 30, 2012. Jerome, Idaho. The Hawthornes Order In.

The Hawthornes are in Jerome, Idaho,

which is near Twin Falls and Boise.

We're both exhausted and hungry

 and we don't want to go out to eat.

Being tired is one reason we don't want to go out.

The other is because of the smell outside.

Poor Mr. Hawthorne

thought he was back on Highway 50 in Kansas,

because of the bovine aromas wafting about.

I don't know how people live with this.

So we ask the desk clerk about delivery services

and he recommends the Mandarin House Chinese restaurant.

Here's something I've learned:

Never trust a man who's obviously never missed a meal in his entire life

for restaurant recommendations.

Consider this post a public service announcement.

 

$28.84 for CRAP!

 Mandarin House Chinese in Twin Falls, Idaho,

 takes the cake for the all-time WORST Chinese I've ever had.

I ordered the Four Seasons.

I've had Four Seasons before

and this ain't it.

Here's their description:

"Fresh shrimp, scallop, BBQ pork, sliced chicken,

mushrooms, and Ben Curd (sic)

cooked in Unique and Tasty Sauce."

All I can say is the sauce was "unique," all right.

Just not in a good way.

Mr. Hawthorne ordered a shrimp salad.

The Chinese Italian dressing 

was so salty,

it was inedible.

Unfortunately,

I ordered the Seafood Soup.

What a hot mess.

This was horrible.

There was no seafood except for 1 tiny shrimp

and it tasted Gawdawful.

They can't even do rice.

The soup was vile.

The pork was not BBQ.

The pork and chicken both were inedible.

Thankfully, there were no scallops in this.

Look at the size of my "bite-sized" pieces.

Does this look like anything you'd want to eat?

I didn't think so.

I had to take the leftovers to the trash can outside

to dispose of them.

When I came back to the room,

the lingering odor of Extremely Bad Chinese permeated the air,
clinging to the wallpaper
like cheap perfume on a Columbian whore.

I had to give the room a good dousing of Febreeze
and that barely helped.

I've gone through a half bottle of that stuff already.

How sad is it when the best thing you eat is the Saltines?

And really, what Chinese restaurant offers Saltines?????