Congratulations, Sleep In Inn And Suites In Albemarle, NC.

 The Hawthornes have selected the Sleep In Inn and Suites

in Albemarle, North Carolina,

as the recipient of the coveted Hawthorne #1 Breakfast Award -

as in the 

ABSOLUTE WORST FREAKING BREAKFAST ANYWHERE,

and we've had plenty of sorry-ass breakfasts

across this great country of ours,

from Atlantic to Pacific.

Congratulations,

Sleep In Inn and Suites.

You have plumbed new depths

which I didn't think possible.

 After the Hawthornes returned, 

breakfastless, to their room,

to dine on fresh strawberries, 

some of the biggest green grapes you've ever seen,

Tropicana OJ with "Lots of Pulp,"

and prunes

(We come prepared.

We travel with a plug-in cooler.),

I decided to go back down

to the EMPTY (!!?? shocker??!!) breakfast room

and shoot pictures of the spread.

Apparently, the breakfast lady

didn't like that,

but nothing stops Rosie when she's on a mission.

 We don't eat sweets.

We don't eat white.

 There was a sign on the refrigerator 

reminding whomever to put out the loaf of whole wheat bread.

There was no whole wheat bread.

Only white.

We don't eat cereal.

There is NO PROTEIN.

And furthermore, this is the only hotel we've been to

that skimped on the towels.

Everywhere else, there are 2 towels per person.

Here, only 1 towel,

and 1 towel does not cut it.

Kudos, Sleep In Inn and Suites!