Monday, January 25, 2010

Rosie's Partay!

Welcome to Rosie's partay! Yup, I've had my second party in as many weeks. I am milking this birthday for all it's worth. And Mr. Hawthorne, Tuesday (My Actual Birthday) is all up to you. I'm thinking lobster and champagne. I won't lie about my age. And I don't understand women who do. I am 56 today. I will be 57 on Tuesday, January 26. I was born in 1953. Now, if I were to lie about my age, I'd tell everybody Imonna be 67. Then they'd look at me in awe and amazement thinking, "Damn, girlfriend looks good!" If I told you I was 47, then you'd think, "Shit. Bitch been rode hard and put up wet." Every year on my birthday, I'd call Mama Hawthorne first thing and thank her for having me. So, Mama Hawthorne, I'm sure they have internet where you are, so once again, I thank you for having me.
I believe "Nan's" shirt sets the tone for today's partay. Daughter Dearest, are you reading? I SOOOOOO want this shirt! Dixie? Why do you do this? Do you know it makes you look stupid? Let's deal with the food and get on with the partay.
The Krud-ite tray. Veggies and Homemade Ranch Dressing.
Mr. Hawthorne's shrimp and my cocktail sauce.
Mr. Hawthorne's Corn Salsa. He uses a large can (28 ounces) of diced tomatoes, drained, a 15 ounce can of corn, drained, a small can (4 1/2 ounces) of chopped green chilies, drained, a few tablespoons of his canned minced jalapenos, a small diced onion, a packet of Splenda or sugar to tame the acidity a bit, a tablespoon of ketchup, and some salt.
Rosie's Dill Shrimp Dip and Triscuits.
Aaaaaaand the prize winner. Mr. Hawthorne's cocktail smokies. He boiled them and then covered them with Sweet Baby Ray's Barbecue Sauce. Sweet Baby Ray's is an excellent sauce - almost as good as my homemade. Three pounds of smokies were gone.
Mr. Hawthorne made deviled eggs. Eggcellent.
Three types of Rodeo Bill Potato Chips. Kettle Style. Peppercorn Ranch. Cheddar and Jalapeno. I find these gems at Aldi's in Danville, VA. Check it out. There may be an Aldi's near you. If you're lucky. The absolute best on the market. Utz, you were my first love. But I'll continue to buy your potato chips and your tortilla chips and I still love you.
Now, before I really start here, I ASKED IF ANYBODY WAS IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM . Several hands went up, including mine. Well, tough titties. You're in my blog. You didn't object LOUD enough. Once again, all the names have been changed to protect the guilty.
Have you noticed at parties everybody gravitates to the kitchen? For the first hour, nobody moved away from the food.
Junior and Ian (pronounced Eye-Uhn) share a confrontation.
Yes. It's always 5:00 somewhere. Zack, ya think you and Eye-Uhn can put this one into your repertoire?
Dixie enjoying the fun.
Junior, trying very hard to behave at his first adult party, and excelling at it.
Ticky, of Reinventing A Boomer blogfame and straight out of the tie-dyed 60's, gave me one of my favorite gifts - Sandra Lee's memoir, Made From Scratch. I cannot wait for that watermelon fizz. Uhh ... I mean to read this book. Err thanks, Ticky, I think.
Ticky also gave me a wonderful heavy spoon made of select cherry wood and that beautiful tie-dyed bag which matches her shirt. Click to enlarge and you'll notice the little set of coke spoons attached. Oh wait. Those are measuring spoons for a smidgen, a pinch, and a dash.
After about an hour of eating and drinking, the entertainment starts. Zack and Nan, when you guys sing this song,
do you think you could manage to be in the same room with each other?
Daughter LuLu, Glowria, and LuLu.
Junior and Jeanette having a stand off.
LuLu and Glowria.
The ladies: Jeanette, Rosie, Glowria, LuLu. Ticky, where are you? Xmaskatie, where are you? Oh yeah. Taking the picture.
Someone out there has a photograph of the three of us - Glowria, Rosie, and Xmaskatie - with the Guy Fee-yet-dee Douchebag Sunglasses on the backs of our heads. Ticky, is that you? Yes it was Ticky. I just snagged this picture off her most recent post. Xmaskatie, was my tight, firm ass everything you expected it to be? You know it was. And more.
Nan and Dixie. Forthcoming: A potentially embarrassing and politically lethal array of photographs of yours truly, in the celebratory mode. It's my partay and I can do what I damn please. So in case I run for president or governor or city council, I give you these photographs now so there will be no surprises later on. I give you sadly the worst of my best and happily the best of my worst.
I would like to foremost thank Xmaskatie for digitizing the following special close moments, between Rosie and Dixie.
And closer.
My political career has been dealt
a swift blow. At one fell swoop.
My political career has been shot to hell.
Garcon! Un autre champagne, s'il vous plait.
That's Ian, with a long I, and Zack. The best entertainment we could afford.
The Lovely LuLu family.
Mr. Hawthorne, Nan, and Mr. LuLu.
I'm not quite sure what was going on here. I think Mr. Hawthorne was gettin' on Junior about sumpin, but by the looks of Jeanette, perhaps she was being admonished. The ever colorful Ticky in the foreground. Glowria in back.
Now, this is getting on in the afternoon and I was definitely getting a Michelle Pfeiffer And The Fabulous Baker Boys vibe here.
Tell me you don't see it too.
I'm sure Ian and Zack will want me to join their little ensemble now after they've heard my vocal chops.
I'm feeling the lurve.
Every time I looked at Glowria, she seemed to be sinking into my couch.
Just think, boys, this could be me. Yeah. I know. In my dreams.
Rosie is a rising rock star. Nan? Glowria? What's going on between you two? I was watching Nan and Glowria caressing one another's legs on the couch. Then I realized it was Junior. Heh. Enjoy the music. Traces of Love Long Ago That Didn't Work Out Right. Oh Stormy. My world is cloudy and gray. You've gone away. Bring back that sun today. Spookie Little Girl like you. It's the Classics IV!
Rosie and Ticky share a tender moment. Sweet wonderful friend Ticky drove all the way from Virginia Beach to be here for me. Then instead of staying the night, she returned home to celebrate with her brother. Thank you, Dear Ticky, for coming.
Notice how parties always congregate on the kitchen counter stools? This one was great. It finally dispersed throughout the room. Some stayed at the counter. Others went into entertainment mode. And still others spread out. I, of course, went into my happy mode. It's MY PARTAY. Earlier, when everyone had arrived, I told my guests that they were here under false pretenses. They thought it was for my birthday. Actually, my birthday is not until Tuesday the 26th. and LuLu's Birthday is also January 26. No, dear friends, this party is a ruse. It's actually a surprise birthday party for Glowria, who's birthday was indeed on Saturday the 23rd. So Happy Birthday, Glowria. This is your party, but I get to keep all the gifts. I talked to Mr. LuLu and found out his birthday is January 18. That's Brother Hawthorne's birthday. I asked Mr. LuLu about Daughter LuLu's B-Day. "Oh, it's in August." "OH.GET.OUT!!!!!!" I have like 20 relatives with birthdays in August. Daughter LuLu's BDAY is August 18th. My two outside kids were born on August 11 and August 7 and 11 + 7 = 18. Cue in Twilight Zone intro. You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of sound. A dimension of sight. A dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance. Of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into The Twilight Zone.
I sincerely thank my friends for this celebration of life and friendship. Friendship is a gift and I am blessed. And no. You will NOT be receiving handwritten thank you notes in the mail. You know who you are. I know who you are. And this is my thank you to you. Peace. (That's what the kids say these days when they hang up their cell phones.) This woman is giving me a back rub. That is it. That is all. I promise. Really. Sweet dreams, Rosie.


Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Rosie...That was one hell of a party! Looked like lots of fun!

Marilyn said...

Looks like all those in the witness protection program had fun at the partay.

Happy Birthday, Rosie!

Kathy said...

I efrained from posting the crotch-sniffing. Might steal a couple of yours and edit. Hmmm.

Anonymous said...

Was that Richard Gere I saw in the background? I'd heard he was down for the Serendipity move, and know he's tight with Michelle P.

Rosie Hawthorne said...

Anony, yes. It was Richard.