ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!

I HATE bureaucratic bull shit. Today, I drove the 20 miles to my local North Carolina Division of Motor Vehicles office to renew my license. After a considerable wait, I was escorted to the examiner's desk. She looked me up in the computer and it spit out a printed sheet which read "SSN Verification Failed - Name did not verify." I Handed her my Social Security Card, my Birth Certificate, and my name on Internal Revenue Service documents. The problem with all this is the name on all these documents, Perthelia Murgatroid McGillacutty, my maiden name which I kept, as you all can see why, did not match the name on my driver's license, Perthelia McGillacutty Zgonc, my married name. I never changed my name, but NC-DMV ain't havin' none of that. "We need to see documentation that you changed your name," they tell me. I ask them, "But how can I document something that never happened?" Bottom line. I got no driver's license. It expires Saturday. The helpful examiner tells me to call the Social Security office and straighten it out. "After all," she snips, "You did have 6 months to renew your license." But it IS straight. This is who I am." No go. I tried calling the SS office about 25 times on the way home and got a busy signal every time or a recording telling me how important my call is. They give me an 800 number to call. Now please, do call this number and listen to the impossible menu: 1-800-772-1213. I drive the 20 miles back home, pissed as shit. Get home and call the Raleigh office of the DMV. After a twenty-five minute wait, YES, you heard me, TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES, the lady, whom I could barely understand, (We're talking ESA here now.) tells me to call the Social Security office and change my name. But I don't want to change my name. This is me. This is my identity. This is who I AM. So the lady tells me to call my local Clerk of Court. Ah, I think, NOW we're getting somewhere. I call the Clerk of Court and she's very nice and tells me I need to call the DMV in Raleigh. "But I just called them and they told me to call you." "Damn," she says, "they do that all the time. Hold on." I hold and when she comes back tells me she's very sorry, she can't help. Defeated, I finally call Social Security and now I have to drive 60 miles tomorrow to Elizabeth City to the Social Security Office and CHANGE MY NAME so I can RENEW my DRIVER's LICENSE. This is not at all convenient since I have company coming tomorrow and really should be cleaning up. This SUCKS! Now, here's the kicker: I need my DRIVER'S LICENSE as identification! And I need my marriage certificate. Who the hell has that? Then I have to fill out an application and the change will be available to the DMV in a few days. My license expires on SATURDAY. So I have to wait until probably MONDAY to renew my license. But since my license will be FRIGGIN' EXPIRED by then, instead of a $20 renewal fee, I will have to pay a $75 re-instatement fee. Hell, if I were an illegal alien, I would have had the damn driver's license yesterday. I have a headache and my blood pressure is up now. I hate you, NC-DMV, with the heat of a thousand suns! I hope the fleas of a thousand camels inhabit your arm pits!!!! ETA: Oh wait, wait. If I have to change my name can I change it to Perthelia Zgonc McGillacutty? Why do I have to be Perthelia McGillacutty Zgonc?