My Newspaper.

As I'm sitting for 45 minutes at the Elizabeth City Social Security Office this AM, I'm perusing my newspaper. Somebody, named Heath Ledger, is dead. I have no idea who this man is. Apparently, he's an actor. His body was found at approximately 2:45 pm by a Diana Wolozin, his massage therapist. And I quote from the Virginian Pilot, a liberal, crap ass rag if there ever was one, worthy of my birds' krap: "Wolozin told police that Ledger was cold to the touch and she assumed he was unconscious. She used his cell phone to call actress MARY KATE OLSEN, whose number is programmed into the phone." Wolozin knew that the former "Full House" star and Ledger were friends, and she asked OLSEN FOR ADVICE ON WHAT SHE SHOULD DO NEXT. (Emphasis mine.) Olsen, who lives in Manhattan but was in California at the time, reportedly responded by saying she would send over her private security guards to help. In the ensuing moments, Wolozin realized that Ledger might be dead. She called Olsen AGAIN." Methinks Wolozin ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer. I don't know 'bout you folks, but if I came upon a dead body, I DON'T THINK I'D BE CALLING MARY KATE OR ASHLEY. WTF? HELLOOOO????? How about 911?????? It's like when I had my hernia surgery in October. I'm at the doctor's office filling out all the crap you have to fill out saying you won't blame the doctor if he kills you. Then, his nurse asks me for an emergency number. I tell her, call 911. Now, that reminds me of another celebrity eff-up. Wasn't it that hyena-grinning-idiot-Oprah-couch-jumping-dolt Tom Cruise and his poor Scientologized Wifey Mouse, Katie Holmes, who actually WENT TO AFRICA to GIVE BIRTH? Or was that Brangelina? Whatever. The celebrity couples line - it blurs. They're all idiots. I don't know about you guys, but when I think about HEALTH CARE, AFRICA is ALWAYS FOREMOST in my mind.