Mr. Hawthorne was watching Sunny Anderson
on Food Network the other day
and saw her making
Bacon and Sage Potato Pancakes.
We both agreed that they looked
and sounded pretty good,
so I printed out the recipe
and held on to it until this morning,
when he actually made the pancakes.
(Note: I'm not holding on to the recipe anymore.)
When I came back in from picking the sage,
Mr. Hawthorne, being uncharacteristically cooperative,
had thoughtfully
created his mise en place
for me to photograph,
even though he can't remember the name or pronounce it.
And he always bitches about it
when I say, "Wait, wait, wait, lemme take a picture!"
I guess I've finally worn him down.
I'm good at that.
Now, Sunny Anderson is not one of my favorite
Food Network people.
(I can't call them chefs.
I refuse to call them stars.
I could settle for "annoying personalities."
Yeah, that works for me.)
And Sunny Anderson is like a black Rachael Ray.
While she's cooking/prepping/whatever,
she starts telling one of those annoying, grating, and stupid stories
that the suits at Food Network encourage them to do -
something that has utterly nothing to do with what they're doing
and just serves as filler to take up dead air time.
Filler does not work in a crab cakes.
And it certainly doesn't work in cooking shows.
We don't want to hear your cutesy, boring-ass,
contrived meanderings.
I'm watching a cooking show.
I'd like to learn about cooking.
I don't want to hear about your Brother Bubba.
I don't want to hear about your Gramma Dicey or your Gramma Lorraine.
I don't want to hear about your Uncle Bill
and whatever Aunt it was that cried over flowers.
(ETA: It was Aunt PEGGY!)
I don't want to hear about the time you were at whatever island in
the Caribbean at your friend's parents' house and passed
out in your plate at dinner.
Oh wait, Sandy.
I do want to hear about that.
But, you get my drift.
But Food Network ain't gonna deliver.
No way.
No how.
Plus, Sunny has started making words up
like Rachael does.
I forget the actual word,
but she was doing a Mexican based meal
and she combined two words stupidly
(something like tacosagna, I think)
for her combo,
then harped upon the cuteness of her "word,"
telling us the origins,
and "Get it? Get it?"
Yeah, we get it, Sunny.
Now get off my TV.
But Kermit (Bob Tuschman)
and Medusa (Suzy Fogelson) like this crap.
Apparently, they think it's cutting edge entertainment.
It is not.
Back to breakfast.
Mr. Hawthorne was happily preparing Sunny's potato pancakes
this morning, carefully adhering to the printed-out recipe,
when he pointed out to me,
"Did you know the difficulty level of this dish
is intermediate?"
Check out the recipe and see for yourself.
Intermediate?!!???
You grate, you mix, you fry.
Sounds damn simple to me.
But then, if you're Sunny,
simple things might not appear so simple at times.
Well, actually, no.
I like this shot of ME,
shooting the picture
and being reflected in the knife.
Mr. Hawthorne chops up the bacon.
Mr. Hawthorne used a cast iron skillet,
heated his oil,
and I added in some extra sage leaves
because I happen to like fried sage leaves.
Then the potato patties went in.
Remember, never crowd your pan when frying.
Crowding will lower the temperature of the oil
and whatever you're frying will not brown nicely.
I was really excited about these.
Now for the all-important taste test.
The fried sage is herby and quite tasty.
The potato pancake sucked.
I never thought I'd say this,
but the bacon really detracted from the pancake.
You'd be better served by just frying up the bacon
and serving it on the side.
And the pancake was not good.
Too much filler.
Not enough crunch.
Mr. Hawthorne was disappointed.
I was too.
Then he said something that made us both feel a little better:
"Tomorrow morning,
I'll make my potato pancakes."
Ah ...
Tomorrow is another day.
And it looks like it'll get off to a wonderful start.
He fried up two slices of bacon.
ReplyDeleteI can't be the only one scratching my head wondering, why only 2???? At least fill the pan if you're going to get it dirty, leftover bacon, mmmmm.
Anytime you fry something in that much grease and have a problem with "not crunchy enough", there are big issues!
ReplyDeleteSad that they kinda sucked. I had high hopes for that recipe.
Yeah. I was sad they sucked too, MrsVJW. But hang on till tomorrow when Mr. Hawthorne makes his tatercakes.
ReplyDeleteAnd Xmaskatie, he used the bacon pan to fry up the potato pancakes in. But, yes. I agree with you. Should've done the other six slices in the package.
I'd be good with that.
As it was, it was some sorry shit.
Holy Cow! last time I looked, it was the friend from Hanoi post, then when I got home tonight, there are a half dozen new ones. You been hoarding them?
ReplyDelete"You been hoarding them?"
ReplyDeleteYes. Absolutely.
Oh my goodness! These look delicious! I'm so glad I found your blog; it's absolutely awesome. Talk about some yummy goodness!
ReplyDeletehoroughly enjoyed your commentary on Food Network. I find the stories quite annoying also. I also find the shows about traveling and where to eat get on my nerves too. Not many f us have the $$ or means to travel, especially with4 or more kids. I also dont like when they spotlight, say, bazooka. Id much rather learn how to make stuffed flounder or something.Ridiculous. I find I learn more and cook more fromblogs like yours. Although I do admit, and dont hate me, I use Rachal Rays recipes at times.Some are repeaters in my household:)
ReplyDelete"Did you know the difficulty level of this dish
ReplyDeleteis intermediate?"
That's because the easy rating is reserved for preparing stuff like Hamburger Helper and Rice-A-Roni.
OMG!!!!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you on Sunny Anderson being like Rachael Ray!
I don't know why people like them have shows on food network.
They are literally all "talk" but no cooking. They cook sooooo messy, and the end results are usually nauseating. WTF! :)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI never liked Sunny Anderson. She's so annoying and cooing, she's almost like a black Sandra Lee. Her recipes don't look bad, but there are a million other cooks or ACTUAL chefs who can cook circles around her, and aren't so grating to watch. All she does is talk about her childhood as a military brat. I still don't understand why "Kermit" and "Medusa" (LOL at that btw, I couldn't have said it better myself!) give people like her or that annoying 10 dollar dinner lady (who can't even cook for beans, IMO) a show. Smh!
ReplyDeleteKatherine, Sunny is like a black Rachael Ray to me. Don't like either one.
ReplyDelete