Tuesday, June 2, 2009

They're Real And They're Spectacular.*

I knew something was missing -
something I haven't posted about for a while. Now, what could that be? Oh yeah. The boobalisciousness of Ms. De Laurentiis. You all know how Miss Thang likes to put her girls out front and center. But she has her subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways of doing it. I like to categorize how Giada decides in what manner she will display her ta-ta's. The first method is her classic Regal Pose. At the beginning of each episode and whenever they cut back from commercial, Giada appears to be sitting on a throne (OK, It's not really a throne, but Giada makes it look like one. She's royal that way.) while she waxes about what unearthly delights she's about to prepare.
Look at this pose. She's practically a freakin' Olympian.
Yes, Giada. We know. Your rack is magnificent. We get it.
I love how she majestically raises her head, sticks her nose in the air, looks down her nose, and deigns to speak to us common riff raff. I feel so privileged. Giada's next method of accentuating les girls is The Frame.
Giada gesticulates with her hands a lot.
And by so doing she ends up framing her bosoms.
The third method of showcasing her boobage is what I like to call the Giada Grin and Bare it.
Another rather coy method she uses is the Let Me Wipe My Hands.
The next method for prominently displaying her bodacious ta-ta's to best advantage is one you're very familiar with - the Giada Reach.
Items are always placed just outside her reach so she has to streeeeeeetch to get them.
Another approach Giada utilizes is the Let Me Go Change For Dinner, which will always put her decolletage in her guests' faces.
I call this one the Boob Plate Special.
And here we have The Giada I Know You're Looking And I Don't Care Because They're Fabulous.
The following I call The Just Giada.
Because this is just Giada.
The following Giada really has no control over. Oh wait. I take that back. She has total control over it. I call it The Distracted Photographer.
No food. No face. Just boobular area.
Giada also has a calculated move I call The Giada Bend Over.
She uses this especially when trying to drive home a point.
If any of my readers know of any more of Giada's ploys to get the hooters out there, please let me know. I imagine some of my gentlemen readers have that deer in the headlights look by now. (Get it? Headlights!) Me? I don't even remember what she was cooking. My mammary's just not what it used to be. * They're real and they're spectacular! (Courtesy: Seinfeld.)


Reeni said...

Hahahaa, this was hilarious!

Kathy said...

Okay - your female viewers want some vicarious thrills too. Seems to me that some of the male hosts must have a nice package tucked in down there. You got any pictures of those?

Doesn't even have to be Food Network packages. Any will do. ;-)

Rosie Hawthorne said...

Kathy, for packages, you might want to try Donna's blog,

Be sure to bring a cold compress.

Kathy said...

Yeah, I've...ahem...seen her blog and even...ahh...made a comment or two. She's linked on my page.

(fans self)

Marilyn said...

I know a couple of men who will be very happy that you spotlighted this set of issues. (I'm so ashamed of myself!)

Anonymous said...

OMG Auntie Rosie I do believe that you have found one of your callings with this. It is too good. And it makes you think that the crew on her show purposely puts things out of her reach or down below just for those shots down her top.


Hairball T. Hairball said...

I heard Giada's getting a new show called Giada & The Girls. The camera person will zoom in on her chest while Giada jumps up and down for half an hour.

Rachael Ray is also getting a new show. It's called There's Not Enough Alcohol In The World To Make Rachael Ray's Girls Worth A Second Look.

Marilyn said...

Ooh, and to continue Hairball's idea, Sandra Lee will have a new show called "How Low Can They Go?"

Anonymous said...

Don't forget about another new show will be with Guy "Fatass". Whoops I mean Guy Fieri. His show will be called "How Big of a Bite can the Boys Look"

Kelley =)

Anonymous said...

That is awesome! And my hubby thanks you as well...

Hairball T. Hairball said...

Now I'm thinking of that silly song about tying them in a bow! *grins*

Rosie Hawthorne said...

You mean this one:

Laurie said...

Every time I come across her show, I just can't seem to look away and change the channel. I don’t even know what she is cooking half the time because I’m waiting for a boob to pop out one day. It’s especially bad when she pronounces the Italian words, they jiggle alittle when she does. I tried to be all Giada in the kitchen one day to impress my ex and ended up burning my boob with hot oil. I guess my itty bitties can’t compete with her spice rack.

Rosie Hawthorne said...

"and ended up burning my boob with hot oil"

Doncha just hate it when that happens, Cecile?

Mr. P said...

Thank you for the pics Rosie!

Hairball T. Hairball said...

"You mean this one:

Yep. I think I've heard the various parodies more often than the original one about ears! *grins*

Elizabeth J. Neal said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.