Friday, December 14, 2007

Business As Usual On The Outer Banks

What is this, you ask? Why, it's my bare, untiled kitchen wall.

The kitchen place called me yesterday and told me TileMan would be here first thing in the morning. So I cleaned everything off my counters, put away my Cuisinart and my mixer, and DISCONTINUED baking for the time being.

Well, TileMan was a no-show. Mr. Hawthorne called the kitchen place this morning to talk to "Veronica" (name changed to protect the guilty), but "Veronica" was once again "in a meeting."
I've never known one person to take as many "meetings" as "Veronica" does.

Now, it's afternoon, and "Veronica" has made "LaVerna" do her dirty work. "LaVerna" just called to say that TileMan had stopped by the kitchen place this morning and picked up the tile and said he was on his way here. Hopefully TileMan is not using my tile on someone else's kitchen.

Now, late, late afternoon. Mr. Hawthorne has been on the phone with "Veronica" 3 times in the past 20 minutes. Seems like TileMan looked at the GLASS tiles I had picked out and didn't have the correct equipment to cut them. Then he found out that I want the tiles put on the wall in a diamond shape on the diagonal, not square. That's 3 times more labor and more money, so he doesn't want to do it.
Now "Veronica" is sending out someone who lives in my neighborhood to check out the kitchen and the job.

Will I ever have my kitchen backsplash?

Now, "d'Shawnt'ay," the neighborhood guy is here. And he and Mr. Hawthorne start talking about hunting.
Mr. H. brought it up, since "d'Shawnt'ay" is wearing camouflage pants.
They're NOT talking about my KITCHEN TILE!

Twenty minutes later, they're still talking about hunting.
Tile has NOT been mentioned once.

Hee! Mr. Hawthorne just asked me, "Who does "d'Shawnt'ay" look like?"
It's the Fonz, from Happy Days.
With silver hair.

45 freakin' minutes later.
They're still talking hunting.

Bottom line, I think "d'Shawnt'ay" will do my tile even though he said he hates doing it, but he will do an excellent job, since he's the best at what he does.
So he says.

Then he said I couldn't be baking anything while he's working.

I said, "EX-fucking-scuse me. I think I will be baking."

"Well, where," he asks.

"Well, there's the oven over there and I don't think you need to tile it," I reply.

"OK, where are you gonna prepare everything?"

"At the end of this bigass granite counter. I'll be outta your way, I promise."

"Well, my partner is an asshole."

"OK, I'm used to assholes. I can deal."

"Uhh, well, OK."



He may or may not be back.
We'll see.

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