Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Xmaskaties And The Hawthornes Go Out For Lunch.

The Xmaskaties came out to the beach today and we got together for lunch at Mama Kwan's. The Hawthornes and the Xmaskaties were in separate cars and just as Mr. H. and I drove up in the parking lot, we both thought, "You know, we could've eaten at home - fillet mignon, baked potatoes, fresh garden salad and greens. Gotten crap outta the freezer." Then we were stuck. We're parked next to a Pizza Hut on the south side. Mama Kwan's on the north. I told the Xmaskaties they could get window seats on the South of Mama Kwan's and we'd get seats on the North of Pizza Hut, and we could wave to each other. I was kinda jonesin' for the salad bar. My boys love Mama Kwan's. I asked them one time what was the thing they loved and ordered there. They told me, and I created, Rosie's Version Of Mama Kwan's Chicken Wrap, and both my boys liked mine better than Mama Kwan's.
Back to Mama Kwan's: The room was Christmasly decorated
and tastefully appointed (if it's your taste) with eye-popping (to me) table cloths.
I ordered my ubiquitous unsweetened ice tea with "FIVE pieces of lemons please." And the waitperson gets it. It's taken a while. It took Mr. Hawthorne and me about 30 years of dining out to figure out how to actually get the "extra lemon" for my tea. For 30-plus years I asked for "unsweetened ice tea with extra lemon, please" and I'd maybe get 1-2 pieces of lemon, usually mostly none. They never paid any attention to "extra lemon, please." If I did get lemon, it was the kind that was a whole round, thin slice, so you couldn't squeeze it at all. I'd have to ask the waitperson for more lemon. They'd bring me one more slice. I'd ask for more. Ad infinitum. Finally, a few years ago, I had this other-worldly experience I believe there was a bathtub of jello, a lot of tequila, and a small dog involved. Heh. Just wanted to see if you were still listening. Back to my lemon fetish. I had this life-altering realization to tell the waitbots the EXACT AMOUNT of lemon I wanted. I left them no ambiguous, gray area. I want a shrubbery. Yeah, well I want FIVE EASY PIECES OF LEMON. And, as God Is My Witness, I got my lemon, and I'll Never Be Hungry Again!. Tell a waitperson you want x number of lemon pieces, please, and they will listen to you. Tell them the exact number. Trust me on this. I'm sorry. I digress. Back to Mama Kwan's.
Xmaskatie ordered the cup of soup de jour - an unfortunate shrimp and chorizo thingie. And then Xmaskatie mentioned something about, "You know, we should've eaten at your house. Get some stuff outta your freezer. So you can get your baking in." Hmmm. Think so??
Mr. Xmaskatie ordered the bowl of shrimp and chorizo. I don't know if they called it a soup or a bisque or what. The texture looked as if one had taken a can of condensed Campbell soup and dumped it.
It was quite thick. As in stick-up-Xmaskatie's-spoon-up thick. I don't care what kind of soup you're doing. Your spoon should not be held tight within it. Now, this was a chalkboard special. It was "shrimp and chorizo" soup/bisque/whatever. I daintily dipped my teaspoon tip into Xmaskatie's cup, (Of course. after she had offered it to me. I never asked, of course.) and coated the spoon with nothing but the bisque(?). Tasted it. I could taste nothing but heavy smoked flavor. It was chorizo through and through. The texture was thick and unpleasant. I asked Xmaskatie if she could taste the shrimp. Alas, she could not. The chorizo was overwhelming. Also, Xmaskatie noticed in the the bottom of her cup, there was a preponderance of potatoes. Quel domage. Thumbs down on the soup/bisque. Mr. Hawthorne ordered a side of fries. "Extra crisp," he told the waitress, "Else, I'll send them back." Yeah. He actually said that today. We always ask for extra crispy fries, but we've never told them in advance we'd send them back if they were not to our liking. Balls in Mr. Hawthorne's court. (Oh, Sistah Deah, I meant "Ball's in Mr. Hawthorne court.) Also, Mr. Hawthorne always asks for a fountain drink. He got it today. But after one sip, he pronounced it un-drinkable. Xmaskatie took a sip and scowled, unbecomingly, saying that it was Diet Coke. I took a sip and I effing HATE soft drinks. I just wanted to get in on all the hostilities. It was GAWDAWFULHORRIBLE. There was a certain lingerance over my tongue that was never meant to linger. It was a by-product of something else that was never meant to be. Mr. Hawthorne pronounced it the cause of inferior water being added to the coke. He did complain to the whomever was complainable to.
These french fries were out-of-the-world-wonderful. Absolutely the best. Probably came with a side of sneeze and snot from the kitchen over top the fries, after Mr. Hawthorne's caveat. But it's OK by me. I put some salt and pepper on them and they were To.Die.For.
What can I say? Go have sex with the french fry cooker.
Here's Mr. Hawthorne's special of the day. Lots and Lots of rice. Some chicken cubes. Some zucchini, some broccoli. Nothing else unnoticeable or noticeable. Oh. The Sriracha Sauce. Huge plate of nothing. I was not happy with this. Great big plate of homogenous crap. Didn't likee.
Here's Xmaskatie's Tuna Burger. The fries were excellent. After all, Mr. Hawthorne threatened the trembling waitress that he might send the fries back. A paltry tuna steak, with perfunctory cross stripes, and I just want to leave the restaurant.
Here's Mr. Xmaskatie's dish. He ordered the mahi mahi wrap. It's a wrap, with lots of Jasmine rice, cheeses, mahi mahi, the Zoro stroke of Srirachi sauce, some greens, and Mr. Xmaskatie had a sort of honey/mustard sauce (?) on the side. Meh. Le sigh.
Oh yeah. Here's my crap. I ordered "The Garbage Plate." Why the hell would I do that? Why would I order something called "THE GARBAGE PLATE?" I honestly don't know. But I did. I considered the tuna sandwich. I considered the mahi wrap. I opted for the GARBAGE PLATE. The plate was a not-so-carefully seared tuna, with an ice cream scoop of jasmine rice and sesame seeds, a soy sauce dressing with nothing but sliced scallions, a bunch of greasy sauteed veggies, and a marinated cucumber slicey thing which was horrible. Oh. There was a sliced pineapple there. Grilled. The curls of carrots. Just stick a tube down my esophagus and insert carrot curls. Be sure to know how to do the Heimlich. Again, with the dry greens. I am NOT a freakin' RABBIT. Give me a dressing.
OK. Here's my plate after eating. After others had eaten from my plate. The tuna was unoriginal. It was tasteless. Was it fresh? I don't know. Mighta been frozen. The tuna was not good. It was dry. Even though it was pink in the middle. Still tasteless. I was very disappointed. I don't think Xmaskatie cared for hers either. Oh... Xmaskatie??? Join in anytime now. Bottom line? BLECH. OH, Bottom, bottom line. $60 freakin' bucks plus tip. This meal absolutely sucked. It would have sucked less if there had been copious amount of alcohol. This was Saturday afternoon. Maybe 1 PM. No alcohol. But the friendship was great, Xmaskatie, so sorry you didn't bring Katie, stay here with us, re-decorate the tree with me, and experience the Colington Christmas Boat Parade. Twood have been good. But the lunch company was excellent. Thank you.


Lane said...

Poor Kwan's. And Xmaskatie's soup was horrific.

Kathy said...

Did you at least compliment them on the fries? ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hey, don't forget, the wasabi sauce was nasal passage clearing good. And those fries were great.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever tried to leave a comment using the wheelchair word verification?

Anonymous said...

"Finally, a few years ago,
I had this other-worldly experience
I believe there was a bathtub of jello,a lot of tequila,and a small dog involved. Heh."

You are too funny. I love your sense of humor!

Hairball T. Hairball said...

"I ordered my ubiquitous unsweetened ice tea
with "FIVE pieces of lemons please." And the waitperson gets it."

Something that drove me bonkers when I lived in Georgia was trying to drink unsweetened iced tea (unsweet tea) while dining out. During my meal, if I didn't keep an eye or a hand on my tea glass at all times, the waiter/waitress would pounce and refill my glass with the diabetic coma tea (sweet tea).

Maybe you need to grow up drinking sweet tea to appreciate it? *shrugs*

Marilyn said...

I hate going to a restaurant and getting "meh" food. Such a waste of potentially good food.

Marilyn said...

Is it just me, or is the term "Unsweet ice tea" akin to Sandra Lee's "Pre-shredded cheese"? It's real tea, not that horrid sweet stuff that masquerades as a drink.